Language Of Love

Gary Chapman: that’s right, especially if gifts is their primary love language. If gifts is number five for them, that is it doesn’t really mean much to them, you’re kind of wasting your time to do all that because it really doesn’t mean that much to them anyway. Joyce Meyer but if gifts is their primary love language, then the more attention you give to understanding the kind of things that would be meaningful to them. That’s why I sometimes say to husbands who say to me, “her love language is gifts and I don’t know how to buy gifts.” I say, “go talk to her sister. Talk to some family member who knows her, maybe even get them to go with you and kind of teach you how to buy gifts for her because they know her well, they know what she likes. So, if this is her language, you have to get on with the learning process and get somebody to help you.” normally a family member can help you do that.

Joyce Meyer: I remember one relationship in particular I was in where this person said, “I just really don’t feel like you care anything about me at all.”  I’m like, “how could you say that? I’ve given you this and I’ve given you that, I’ve given you this and I’ve given you that. I’ve given you clothes out of my closet. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.” but what she needed was words of affirmation. So often our heart is right. We’re giving somebody what to us is like a big sacrifice but it’s still not what they need. Obviously I think this is a two-way street.  We need to find out what people need and give it to them but I think on the other end people need to also learn to appreciate whatever we’re giving them because if we’re making any effort to show them love, at least they can understand that’s the way you show love.

Gary Chapman: I had a good illustration of that recently. I was in Angola prison — I know you’ve been there — and I shared this love language concept with the prisoners primarily with the view to help them understand their parents. When I got through, one young man stood up — he was probably in his early 30’s.  He said, “dr. Chapman, for the first time in my life sitting here this afternoon I understand my mother loved me.”  he said, “my language is physical touch. I understand that now, and my mother never touched me. In fact, the only time I ever remember her hugging me was the day I left to go to prison. But as I heard you share those other love languages, I realized my mother spoke some of those to me.

I didn’t get it because it wasn’t my language but now I’m getting it. I’m understanding she loved me.” so you see it helps in both ways. Joyce Meyer ministries obviously the ideal thing is that we learn how to speak each other’s language but if the other person didn’t speak your language, if you see them speaking some of the other languages, you can understand intellectually “they did love me” and emotionally that begins to help you because now you understand they were loving you; it’s just they weren’t speaking your love language.